Call It Tough Love

My 30th birthday is getting so close I can practically touch it and it’s been bothering me. I’m not ready to turn 30. It feels like I’m losing my youth. My opportunity to do those wild and crazy things that 20 somethings do. That later in life can be written off as “Oh well. I was twenty whatever and didn’t know any better.” Well, now I can’t use that excuse any more because I do know better. From the time I was 19, I knew better. Babies have a way of changing how you act.

 

I’ve already sort of talked about this here, so I won’t dwell on it.

 

But two weeks ago, I had a series of texts from one of my sisters that lead to a revelation for me. One that I should have had a long time ago.

 

A: You turn 30?

Me: yes

A: Oh yeah, you’re so old…ash turns 30 this year too. I turn 43. What are you complaining?

Me: I didn’t get to live my 20s!!! And now they’re gone.

A: Boo hoo. I actually accidentally spelled boob. *niece wants blood and carnage. (They were at a hockey game.)

Me: Why does she want blood & carnage. (Not connecting the conversation to the hockey game until later.)

A: I drank too much tequila.

Me: I can tell.

A: lol

 

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When the conversation was happening, I was a little pissed off that she was being so insensitive about my feelings. But then I realized she was right. (If you’re reading, gloat while you can. I may never admit it again! Haha) And I wonder if she would have said they same thing if she hadn’t been enjoying the tequila maybe a little too much. Knowing her, she probably would have. Because sometimes you need a dose of tough love to make you see things clearly.

 

Eventually I came to realize that life is full of choices. And those choices will forever change your life. But those choices brought me where I am today. I probably would never have met my husband if I hadn’t had my daughter. Which means I never would have found someone that I love so completely and who also loves me back! I never would have had my son. I never would have had a lot of things. And really, my life is pretty damn good. Naturally, there are bumps in the road, but nothing we haven’t been able to handle. And everyone has bumps along the way. I suppose that’s what gives you character. You fall down, get back up, and brush yourself off. And are better because of it.

 

Who knows what kind of person I would have been if I hadn’t been a mother at such an early age. The past is behind me. Now is the time to embrace where I am and look forward to the future.

 

Plus, hey, the bright side of turning 30 is that I get to join Studio30+, right?

I Just Can’t Focus Today

This seems to be a common affliction today. This lack of focus. My brain just doesn’t seem up to the task of processing anything. I’d like to blame it on lack of sleep, but I know I’ve been getting more sleep than my poor friends Kat (who’s so very sick; go over to her blog and give her some love) and Jewels (who’s been battling her own bouts of insomnia), so it doesn’t really seem right that I complain. But I did have two thoughts that I wanted to throw out there. If for nothing else than to free up the brain power it’s taking to ponder these ideas.

 

My laptop is supposed to be delivered today and according to the tracking information, is on the truck for delivery. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if part of the tracking details gave you an up-to-the minute GPS location? It seems too hard to pull off (from a company’s perspective), but think about it this way. If each truck (or airplane) were equipped with GPS (which I imagine most of them are), then all it would require for this GPS tracking would be one extra scan. They scan the package when it comes and goes from their “terminals” so if they could scan the ID of each vehicle it was going on to, that information could go into the computer system and their websites could show the GPS location of the package. That way you could see how far away the truck is from your home and wouldn’t have to keep looking out your window every 15 minutes to see if you can see the truck coming around the corner. Not like I am, or anything…

 

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My other thought was this: When you see an actor in two different shows playing totally different characters, does it affect how you look at each character? There is an actor that has a small role on Sesame Street’s “Elmo’s World.” His name is Bill Irwin and he plays Mr. Noodle.

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Last year, he took a role on one of my favorite shows, “CSI.” He plays a psychopath serial killer, Nate Haskill. I’m not sure if the character by itself freaks me out or if I’m more freaked out by him because I’ve seen him play this other character. Whichever the case, he’s scary!

 

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The fact that he is also a trained clown may be the reason for my fear. He’s always sort of disturbed me on Sesame Street, too. (I hate clowns! Scary, scary, scary!)

Just A Bunch Of Gobblety-Gook (Plus Yoga!)

I really didn’t know what to write about, so I’m just gonna start talking at random and see where it leads. Fortunately, I’m not on any cold meds right now, so my head is firmly attached to my neck and all body parts feel as they should. In other words, I don’t think there will be any fog-related, incoherent babble. Well, just based on what I’ve written so far, I could be wrong.

 

The first thing I wanted to mention was this really cool bookshelf that is down at the bottom of my blog. All the way down there. Coolest. Thing. Ever. (Thanks Chanel for letting me steal it from you.) I love putting all the books (that I could remember) that I’ve read in there and then ranking and reviewing them. Okay, well, I haven’t actually gotten around to reviewing them, but it’s in the plan to do so. Feel free to peruse my book shelf and see if there’s something there that might tickle your fancy. I’ve even included books that I haven’t liked so much just so I can keep track of how many I’ve read over the course of the year. Maybe you’ll like one that I didn’t. Never hurts to try.

 

Another thing is I have a poll that I started over the weekend. It’s mostly out of curiosity because I really have no intention of changing the way I do things. But I have been wondering how many people go back and read the comments that the blogger may have left for you or the comments that other people read. Sometimes I start asking questions in my replies to comments and I don’t know if you’ll ever see them or not. So, vote if you so choose and if you want to comment on the poll, please feel free. I’d like to think of my blog (as I’m sure many other bloggers do) as an open discussion where we can talk back and forth. It makes life more interesting, doesn’t it?

 

Today my daughter doesn’t has school because of President’s Day and it’s really thrown things out of whack for me. I’m such a creature of habit, any little deviation from my normal day makes me feel all discombobulated the rest of the day. Today also happened to be my first day of yoga class so that’s a whole new element of my daily schedule that I’ll have to get used to. So instead of trying to sleep in and be lazy on my daughter’s day off, I was up at my regular “school day” time and had myself and both kids ready and out the door at 8:30 so they could play at my mother-in-law’s house while I tried out this whole yoga thing.

 

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The class, honestly, went better than I expected. It was bigger than I hoped it would be, but like everything else I’ve experienced at the Y, I’m the youngest in the group by probably ten years, (although the majority of the class had a good 25-35 years on me.) But this time, it worked out in my favor because I’m still quite a bit more flexible than most of them. (Not all I don’t think because there are some freakishly in shape retired people there!) It was the start of a new session, but as the instructor didn’t recognize me, she came over and introduced herself and asked if I had taken any yoga classes before. I said no, but I had done it on the Wii. I laughed when I said it because I didn’t think it was going to make much of a difference, but it really did help. She told me that she would show certain modifications to some of the positions, and I could work at my own pace. But being the superstar that I am (just kidding, I’m actually nowhere close to superstar status,) I didn’t need to do any of the modifications to make it easier. Did I feel it? Oh yeah. Am I going to be sore? I think in some parts of my body I will be, but I really enjoyed it! Even the instructor after the class said I did really well (“I’m a natural” were her exact words) and that the Wii must have helped. (I don’t know why I giggle every time I talk about doing yoga on the Wii. It sounds so kidish. Oh well.)

 

After my class, I picked my kids up and at my husband’s recommendation, took them to McDonald’s for lunch. That was stupid on top of brain dead. With no school today, the place was packed and the play place was a nightmare come true. Kids were everywhere and adults were scarce. Even my kids were a bit taken aback by the commotion (ah, I’m raising them well) and didn’t feel like staying long. My daughter (much to my amazement) patiently helped her brother through the tunnels and showed him where I was sitting and watching, so they could wave. He was pretty scared so they only went through the thing a handful of times because he was going so…slow…But she was good and only left him sit once while she crawled up and around calling for him to follow her. But I watched in horror as big kids chased little kids trying to scare them and one big sister kept picking up her very small (maybe two year old) sister by the wrists and standing her on one of the play tables, then telling her to jump from the table to the stool to the floor. Um, hello, can we get a parental figure over here please?! We’ve got a big sister trying to maim little sister! (Parents/caregivers should come up with a code system like cops or doctors for situations like that. “We’ve got a 10-16 in progress! Requesting parental authority immediately!” Just a thought.) Maybe I should have been the one to step in and stop it, but frankly, I’ve seen it enough times where a parent goes ape shit on another parent for trying to tell their kids what to do and I just wasn’t prepared to deal with that. If we would have been at the school, yes, I would have been more comfortable stopping the behavior. But McDonald’s? Nope. Sorry. Maybe that makes me less of a good person, but that’s me.

 

That was when I decided it was time to go home (the kids had had enough trying to compete for tunnel space anyway) so I could get my little guy down for his nap and laundry started. It’s way late to be starting laundry (did I mention my whole day goes to shit when my schedule is messed up?), but I’m trying to get through it.

 

Oh yeah, a piece of good news. Remember when I talked about my son always wanting to be on the computer any time I would try to sit down at it? My husband and I ordered a laptop for me over the weekend and I should have it by the end of the week! Do you hear angels singing? Cause I do! I’m so excited because now I’ll be able to relax on the couch and write whatever, any time I get the words flowing in my brain! It’ll be great! No more having to pick between watching TV with Hubby or working on the computer. I’ll be able to do both! And in situation like now, where the neighbor comes over, rings the doorbell to ask if my daughter can come over to play and it wakes up my sleeping son. Goddamn it! Okay, deep breaths. Deep breaths.

The Three-Way

Ha-ha. I thought that might get your attention.

 

Have you ever had an IM going with more than one person at a time? It’s tricky. Hell, it’s tricky chatting with one person because you can both be typing at the same time and one of you could be continuing the conversation while the other person has switched subjects. Imagine doing that face to face. You’d both be talking at the same time and then only after you were finished talking would you stop and think about what the other person had said. Doesn’t work so good.

 

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Well, I had an experience a while back of someone I’m almost positive was chatting with me and someone else at the same time.

 

I was on Facebook and a dear person to me came online and a chat window popped up. Someone from my high school days. I won’t even try to explain what our relationship was because I can’t even figure it out. But suffice it to say, I still think he’s great so I don’t hold any of this against him. (And if he’s reading this, I hope he won’t hold this against me.)

 

We were chatting and I asked what his plans were for the weekend. He told me he had his son so they might try to catch a movie. I said I thought that sounded fun. I asked what he was thinking about seeing. He replied he hadn’t looked to see what was playing and that he’d better do that if they were going to go. I say something incredibly witty (not really, but it’s fun to pretend!) about how he’d hate to show up at the theater with his kid (who’s like five or six) and not have there be anything age appropriate. Time passes and he doesn’t say anything. Okay, no biggie. (I guess.) I continue playing my game.

 

Then he types something along the lines of if he were free to do anything tonight, but it cut off mid-thought. I looked at it for a while and wasn’t sure how to respond. I quickly came to the conclusion that it probably wasn’t meant for me, but that he was talking to someone else. More time passes and he doesn’t say anything so I start getting paranoid that maybe it was said to me and I’m being rude for not responding. Finally, he types something kinda like what he had started saying, but morphed it into even if he could do anything tonight, he wouldn’t know what to do. I could just picture him, seeing what he typed on my chat window and frantically trying to cover his tracks. You know, trying to play it cool and make it seem like he’s only talking to me.

 

But I saw through the act. And I laughed. All he would have had to do was say, "’Oops! I meant to say that to Steve or Justin or Mark (or whoever!) Sorry.’ and it wouldn’t have turned into this story. That’s what I would have done. Laughed at my stupidity and carried on. Doesn’t that make more sense? Isn’t that what you would have done? But instead, he tried to make it seem like I was the only thing he was focused on. But I’ve never been the only thing he focused on. Why would it be any different now when our lives have gone in such different directions?

 

But, honestly, how many of us focus on only one thing anymore? I know I don’t. Not even when it comes to my kids. There’s just too much happening everyday to give everything your undivided attention. While I’m writing this, I’ve been answering about a hundred emails from people because I have a meeting tonight and we’re all trying to get ready for it. I’m also putting together my report for said meeting, I have laundry that needs to go into the dryer and clothes that need to come out of the dryer to be folded. And grrr, another load that needs to go in the washer. Piss. Thank God the little guy is sleeping right now or I would be tearing my hair out. And then my husband would get mad because, for some reason, he likes my long hair. And he would blame my blog for taking up so much of my time. Well, my blog and PTA for taking up so much of my time. But he wouldn’t care that I lost a bunch of time this morning at the Y working out. Nope. Because the Y is his “insurance policy” that I stay thin. He actually called it that once. I don’t mind I guess, because in some way he’s right. (It did sting a little at first, but  I’m over it now. I like going to the Y. So far.)

 

Whoa, that went farther off track than I thought. I think I’ve had enough coffee for today, thanks.

 

I’ll just leave it at this. Three-ways can be a tough act to pull off. Even if it’s just online.

 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Technology for Four, Please

It never ceases to amaze me how much technology has infiltrated our daily lives. I mean, really, between computers, the internet, cell phones, satellite TV, GPS, and iPods, we’re almost always connected with technology. It’s even more incredible when you compare the childhoods of my generation to the childhoods that my children are currently living. It’s astounding! And there isn’t even that big of a time difference. Imagine the differences between my parents’ generation and my kids!

 

Think about it.

 

When I was a kid, I didn’t get to watch cartoons every day, all day long if I wanted. I had to wait for Saturday mornings. My kids have at least five channels with programming almost solely geared for them. (I do have to say the restrictions my husband and I put on our children are a little more tight when it comes to TV shows than other kids’ parents. There is definitely some questionable shows out there that they say are for kids.)

 

I didn’t get my first home computer until I was 17 or 18 and then it was a really old hand-me-down that my mom got from someone she worked with. And the only reason she got it was because she figured it would come in handy when I went off to college. My kids have had access to a computer since they were each about two. And they are really good at operating one! My son, who just turned three, knows how to log into his profile, open games, and play. He even knows how to log someone off so he can get to the right screen to pick his name! I couldn’t believe it the first time he did it because no one taught him how. He just picked it up on his own.

 

My first experience with the internet was either my eighth grade or freshman year of school and it was a section of our computer class. It was being taught as strictly a research tool and I remember being in awe of all the information I could find online. My daughter got to go online at school starting in kindergarten and they were allowed access to certain websites to play games! Kindergarten! Now she knows all about Googling and has asked for a MySpace or Facebook page. (Yeah, that isn’t happening for a long time.)

 

I remember the first gaming system my family had and I was actually pretty little. Maybe four. I was lucky that my siblings were much older and they had an Atari. (I still love those games and wish they would come out with newer ones!) But now, kids can carry game systems with them! There’s Nintendo DS, PSP, even Leapster for the toddler age kids. And the choices for home game systems are incredible. PS3, Wii, and now X-Box with Kinect! (I had my first experience with Kinect just this past weekend, but that’s a whole other story!)

 

I didn’t get my first cell phone until I was 18 and it was just a month or two before I left for college. Now kids as young as fourth grade (maybe younger) have them and you see elementary kids breaking them out as soon as they walk out of school. (Not my kid, though. She’ll have to wait a bit longer. I’m such a meanie.)

 

And mp3 players? I just got my first one this Christmas, whereas my kids? My daughter’s first was when she was maybe seven and my son when he was two. Yes, I said two. He kept trying to steal his sister’s so we figured it would be better to get him his own. His doesn’t need headphones, though, so we don’t have to worry about him blowing out his eardrums or anything.

 

As I sit here typing, my son is wanting to be done with his breakfast so he can get back on the computer. It’s turned into a major strategy session just to plan who gets computer time when. There are four of us in the house. My husband has his own laptop from work, so he doesn’t need the house computer very often, but there are times. My daughter just got her own laptop, so that has reduced the conflict considerably. Now it’s between me and my three year old to fight over computer time. And of course, I give in and let him play. Which leaves naptime and occasionally bedtime as “Mommy’s computer time.”

 

But, it leaves me wishing I had my own laptop. There are times when I really need or want to use the computer and it doesn’t work out. Never in a million years would I have ever thought we would need four computers for a family of four. Especially since one of those members is three years old. But it’s looking like that more and more. It sure would make it easier to get things written or just play my games and do all the things I like to do.

 

It also makes me wish for the simpler times. I sometimes can’t help but think the technology is what is causing kids to grow up too quickly. They have access to things that we never had a chance to experience until we were much older. We had to rely on our dolls or cars or (gasp!) books to keep us occupied. Kids don’t think about picking up books like they once did. Now they’d rather pick up their game controller or remote control and watch a distorted view of life instead of opening up a whole new world in a book.

 

But who am I kidding? I love technology! I can’t let my cell phone leave my side and I have to check into Facebook at least once a day. (Gotta keep up with my games, you know.) And I am a huge computer game player. If I didn’t have kids, I would probably be one of those people who is on their computer for fourteen hours without even knowing it. But technology is just the way life is now. They need to be comfortable and familiar with it because so many jobs now depend upon it. We as parents just have to make sure it doesn’t take over our kids lives.