Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Beware The Wrath Of The Female Pisces

Do you like to read your horoscope? Do you read it the day before? Do you read it the same day? Or are you like me and don’t read it until months after the day has passed? It’s nothing personal against horoscopes; I like reading what they have to say. And more often than not, it seems like useful advice. (Although, they seem to be getting more and more watered down. Kinda like the fortune inside fortune cookies. “You should be able to undertake and complete anything.” Kinda broad. Or maybe it’s just my luck that gets me vague fortunes.) Anyway, the reason I don’t read them the day before or the day it is supposed to apply to actually has nothing to do with the horoscope itself. It’s actually because I like to do the crossword puzzles that are on the same page in the newspaper and I refuse to look ahead for fear of seeing an answer to a puzzle I haven’t done yet. (I know, pretty weird, right?) Then to make matters worse, I don’t the crosswords every day so I have a huge stack of newspapers patiently waiting for my attention. But I like doing it my way better because I can still glean the information from my horoscope without stressing out about what it could be trying to tell me about my day. And like I said, it’s usually more advice that could apply any day.

One that I clipped out and keep in my jewelry box is one such example.

The roadblocks on the path to romance are not big problems. They’re more like a dozen daily habits that don’t exactly engender closeness or excitement. Seize playful moments and make the most of them.

See? Anyone can use and apply that to their lives. But then over the weekend, I read my horoscope from December 20. (I wasn’t kidding when I told you I had a serious backlog of newspapers.)

image credit

Your sign can change moods as quickly as a chameleon changes colors. But today you’ll be in a state of mind that you want to hang on to for as long as possible. External circumstances cannot change this.

I read this to my husband and he gave me a look that said, “You’re telling me!” Apparently all Pisces have mercurial moods, but in my case, it is amplified by 1,000 when I’m PMSing. A week ago Saturday was one of those days and it was not fun for anyone in this house. I could feel my moods flying all over the place like a really bad rollercoaster ride. And I’m sure my husband wanted to scream, “I want off this ride! This is not what I paid for!” I was bouncing from being fine to pissed off to tears with no real warning as to when or how the next mood would strike. Then after my three year old had gone to bed, I showed a real lack of judgment by adding wine to the mix because, “I needed to relax.”

Normally when I drink, I’m a happy drunk. (Okay, a happy buzzer because I rarely ever get drunk anymore.) I laugh and talk and am generally cheerful. Probably obnoxiously so. You know the type. The one who won’t stop talking long enough to let anyone else get in a word. (I attribute that solely to my lack of conversation any other day of the week.) The one who finds everything super funny and is always laughing and playfully touching everyone. Yeah, that’s pretty much me. (I’m totally ruining my chances of anyone wanting to go have drinks with me now, aren’t I?)

But, as I have learned, a PMSing Pisces that drinks just three glasses of wine (that might have been a bit much), turns into the pathetic, crying drunk. It all started off good because I could feel myself starting to relax and I was chatting with my husband while we watched…(what did we watch? Some form of MMA I think, but now I’m not sure.) Well, whatever was on TV. Then I started telling him I was sorry for being so difficult during the day and that I thought I must be PMSing. I could feel the tears starting to well up and before I knew what happened, I was a blubbering mess. I could have been a walking commercial for why drinking is bad. Or Midol. (Although, I’m not sure if Midol does much to help the mood swings. Does anything?) My poor husband. What he doesn’t have to put up with. Thank goodness that time of the month only comes once a month. And that drinking is not something I often indulge in. And that I married a Scorpio who is somehow fated to put up with my shit.

(As as aside, I was looking at the characteristics of Pisces in that picture. I don’t think they apply during PMS.)


  1. That's not true. You're very sensitive when you have PMS. That's why you react to everything with strong emotion. You can get angry because you're sensitive. And sad, too.

    I'm not much of a drinker either. I don't do it often, but everybody thinks it's funny when I get tipsy because I convince myself that I have these brilliant thoughts that EVERYBODY I'm with has to hear, so I say, "Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen!" insistently until I have everyone's attention. Then I say something really profound, like, "Do you guys know that the Oboe is the Fran Drescher of the music world? So nasal! HA!"

    Anyway, I'm a Virgo. I wonder what it says about me and my temperament?

  2. I'm a Scorpio, I'm pretty sure we can handle just about anything. We seem impervious to outbursts of emotions from others. Sometimes we think they are just being silly, but we can tolerate just about anything.

    I'm not saying we don't have mood swings, we do, we just tend to be a little more subtle with it.

  3. lol! I'm not a horoscope reader. I would say horoscope writers are very talented people at writing vague statements that could apply to about 80% of people on any give day :)

  4. I am not a horoscope reader so I can't really comment.

    But I thought all women who drank 3 glasses of wine while pms'ing were crying messes? lol

  5. This just solidifies more that we must find a way to have drinks together because I'm a very "affectionate" drunk, too--when I can ever achieve drunk with my mutant Irish liver processing it so quickly. We just have to make sure that when we hook up, it's not during that time. ;-)

    Though honestly, I know you, and I seriously doubt that you are as "difficult" as you claim to be, and are at the worst, only slightly less of a love that you always are.~

  6. I have looked at mine now and then but don't really put much stock in it. I have some Virgo characteristics and then others I don't. I think that is pretty normal. I also have some of Libra, Gemini, and all other signs.

    As for PMS and drinking...it's usually when I drink a bit more...I think to even out the hormones raging through me...and I tend to get teary a lot easier (I'm already a crier anyway). Usually I just get super horny though. hehe.

  7. I don't tend to read the horror-scopes. But I am a Libra through and through, no matter how often they change the Zodiac.

    Now fortune cookies... they're like... the law.

  8. I read mine, but I always think it's bunk since it won't usually apply to me AND my twin sister, and wtf? we share the same bday.

    Other days it seems to fit so i roll with it.

    We are also Pisces, and nothing alike. How can that be?

  9. I don't read the horoscopes but I do save papers to work the crossword puzzles. I also think that any odd or erratic behavior while PMSing needs to be forgiven by men. We really can't control, we would prefer to not be that way, if we had the choice we would not be a psycho lunatic who cries at anything. But it can't be helped, and thus it must be forgiven.

  10. Chanel, I think I'll start using the sensitive reason for my emotional outbursts. Thanks for that. And I laughed when I read your "brilliant thought." I have a book on astrological signs around here somewhere. When I find it, I'll look up Virgo. My dad and one of my sisters are Virgos too.

    Hero, you sound a lot like my husband. He's so laid back it makes me crazy sometimes. Usually though, I'm glad he can rein me in and balance out my urge to freak out about everything.

    Megan, I agree they have some very good creative writing skills. I don't know how they can come up with stuff for every day! But I do think your sign can have an influence on your personality.

    OT, you're probably right about that! :)

    Kat, I'm so glad you still want to drink with me. And it's even better that you're affectionate too. Then I won't feel like such a weirdo! And I appreciate your confidence in my sweet temperment, but I have a short fuse and a temper to rival any...well, I don't know. Something with a really bad temper! lol

    Jewels, I'm usually a crier too so my husband hardly bats an eye when the tears start flowing. He just keeps going about his business. lol I think there are some characteristics that multiple signs share, it may just be in differing amounts. I'm sure I have some of other signs too, but I'm a pretty typical Pisces.

    Julianna, that made me laugh really hard. My mom's a Libra too. And I had forgotten that they were messing around with the Zodiac.

    Onion, you've got me stumped there. But since you're Pisces that must mean you have a birthday coming up. Happy Birthday!

    Ms Jenna, you're right PMS is out of our control. It's those damn horomones. Luckily, my husband does get over my bad behavior pretty easily. And I haven't committed unspeakable crimes yet, so hopefully he'll continue to overlook my fits. (Gotta love those crosswords, yes?)

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