Monday, February 28, 2011

Just Call Me Selena (I Guess)

Well, okay, maybe not. I’m still Hannah. (In real life.)


But, I did it. I took the plunge. I am officially in a role-playing group on Facebook. It’s scary. Intimidating. My stomach starts to hurt when I’m about to post a comment. (I’ve talked about this group before.) But I decided what the hell? It really means a lot to my sister for some reason and she came up with a character that sort of fits me. Her name is Selena and she’s a human (my sister plays a demon) that owns a mystical/tarot card/fortune telling shop in New Orleans. I’m into that in real life so that helps. But now I really have to study up on my herbs and stones and incense because I don’t want to be inaccurate. Like I said in my previous post, the other people in the group know these characters better than I do and my limited knowledge of the mystical and magical will only get me so far.


So, I’m taking it slow. I did a little with my sister chatting with me telling me what to write. The next time, I didn’t need as much help from her, but she was on the chat with me to give me encouragement. But today, I think I’m going to try doing it by myself. I’m making cheat sheets of how people are related to me and what herbs and stones and oils are good for what. (I’m such a nerd that way. Research, research, research.) Luckily, I have plenty of books already that will help me and I’ve found some good websites too. I’d better get big time ‘sister points’ for doing this, because it’s outside my comfort zone. Totally.


I don’t know if it’s my impending birthday or if it’s you guys here and my blog or what exactly, but I feel like I need to keep pushing myself away from what’s comfortable. Constantly pushing and testing my limits. I can’t forever spend my whole life being a shy timid person. What kind of life is that? If I stay boxed into myself, I’ll end up as the little old lady that never leaves her house. And I don’t want to be that. I want to travel. I want to have fun! The last eleven years haven’t had enough fun in them and I plan on making up for that when my kids move away from home. So I have to start small now and keep stretching and molding myself into someone who doesn’t shy away from challenges and new experiences.



image credit


It’s kind of like yoga. (Which today was my third class and it’s still nerve-racking, but I am really enjoying it. And someone actually talked to me today! Shocker!) Anyway, you start small and keep stretching yourself and eventually you are able to fully reach a position. Then you move on to a new position that tests you and you keep working at it until you’ve accomplished it. I really feel like I can do this. I’ve already started doing so many little things in my life that even a year ago I never would have done. I’ve started exercising (in public!), started this blog, posted comments to complete strangers and not worried what they thought about me. I’ve even stood up to people in meetings that don’t agree with what I’m saying and I didn’t back down. I didn’t get my way in the end, but at least I voiced my opinion instead of fell into line with everyone else.


I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have to be afraid. I’m don’t have to be ashamed. Everyone has made mistakes in their lives. Most people are not going to judge me on my mistakes. And those that choose to look only at my mistakes and not at how I changed and learned from them? Fuck ‘em. I don’t need them. I have plenty of people who love me for who I am today, not who I was 10, 15 years ago.


And if someone doesn’t agree with my ideas or choices, that’s okay. I don’t have to let it bother me. I don’t have to have everyone’s approval about everything. As long as the people I care about the most stand with me, I don’t give a shit what some stuck-up, stuffy, elitist bitch thinks.


I really had no intention of this becoming a self-affirmation post of any kind, but these things have a way of evolving all on their own. I feel good about myself today. I feel strong. I don’t know what it is. But I’m practically brimming right now.


  1. I had a boyfriend who used to the the by turn RP writing on a for a website dedicated to the stuff. It was seriously epic. I enjoyed reading it, and he loved writing it, so if this is the same kind of thing I bet you'll have lots and lots of fun.

    And speaking of fun...I'm reading the first book of that series you suggested. Outlander. Claire has just been sucked or sent or transported back in time and I Looooooooove it. So thank you for sharing.

  2. That's right, Hannah! You sure can do anything that you want, and it's good to see just how far you push it! You go on with your bad limit-pushing self, my dearest rockstar!~

    I don't know how but we're definitely going shopping some time and then you'll REALLY have some fun pushing out of your comfort zone. ;-)

  3. YAY! Can't wait to hear all about it. I'm sure you'll love it and get into it...and how nice of you to do that for your sister. GO YOU!

  4. Go Hannah, go Hannah, you can do it, go Hannah...that was the most and best cheerleader-ness you'll get out of me. :)

  5. Yes, Hannah! High five.

    Hey, guess what? I love all the crystal, tarot card new age stuff too. You'd better study up for that group!

    And you area always meant to keep moving and changing. Sometimes it happens slowly and sometimes it all happens at the speed of light. Bravo for always moving forward--even if sometimes it's little steps.

  6. Go on with your bad self, Hannah. No idea what this crystals, characters, thing is, but reminds me of my husbands D&D days. Have fun. I can't believe you are shy or timid.

  7. Self affirmation is good though.
    I just started yoga as well, so I could totally relate to your comparison.
    Good luck with the Facebook experience.

  8. My level 14 Cleric uses his +3 Flaming Vorpal Longsword to attack the screeching Nightwalker! Roll d20...19! CRITICAL HIT!

  9. Hey Rockstar.... If you're ANYTHING like what you write on your blog, I'd say you're doing just fine. Enjoy the adventure that IS life! I think you're off to a pretty awesome start.

  10. Hero & OT, thanks for the support! You guys are so great!

    Chanel, my first solo attempt went really well. My sister was impressed. And I'm SO glad you love the book. It's definitely on my all time favorite list!

    Kat, I think you guys are really good for me. You're bringing me out of my shell. And oh my, if we ever get to go shopping, it will be a trip of epic proportions!

    Jewels, thanks! Yes, I am a wonderful sister! lol Just kidding! :) But it is pretty fun and I'm already getting into it more than I thought I would. It's kinda fun to pretend to be someone else. I'll have to share some stories some time.

    Ms Jenna, thanks for cheering me on!

    ms caboo, I've been in this rut for so long that it's definitely going to take small steps to get me out of it, but I can see progress already. And that's cool that you're into the mystical stuff too. I might have to get some help from you from time to time.

    Onion, I'm using this blog to bring out the side of me that I have always tried to keep buried for fear of people not liking me. But I like the way I feel here. I like being able to say what I want and being brash at times.

    Sandra, self affirmation is good. It really made me realize all this stuff that I've been thinking and feeling. I kinda felt like Stuart Smalley when I was writing it though, so that was weird. I hope yoga goes well for you too. And thanks for the support!

    Suitor, lol! I have no idea what you just said, but I appreciate your enthusiasm!

    ET, thanks for saying that. Life IS meant to be an adventure and it's time I stop being afraid of new things and embrace the experience new things can bring.

  11. It's a Dungeons and Dragons reference. Just go with it!

  12. Suitor, I figured that what you were referring to. My group isn't anything like that. We are based on a book series that has lots of gods and goddesses, mythical characters, and lots of steamy romance! :) My character is getting ready to perform a cleansing ritual for someone's saferoom.


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