Conversations With A Three Year Old

Talking with any child can produce any number of wild things coming out of their mouths, but depending on age and speech skills it can be especially frustrating entertaining. I am lucky (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) to have two children that have possessed good speech and good vocabulary from a very young age. That does not mean sometimes there are language barriers than pop up from time to time.

 

Case in point: Bedtime for my three year old.

 

For over a year (maybe closer to two), we have played a CD for my son to fall asleep to because he has always been a light sleeper and we hoped that the music would cover up any noises coming from the rest of the house. (We also used to turn a fan on, but with it being winter, we don’t want him to get too cold.) He’s in a “big boy bed” now, so sometimes getting him to stay in bed at night is a challenge. Okay, I’m lying. It’s always a challenge. But one night last week, we tucked him in, read his book, and turned his music on. We said goodnight and walked out of his room. After a number of times of him running out and me taking him back into his bed, he comes running out telling me that his music shut off. I ask, “Did you turn the music off?” He says no. Okay, then, back into bed. Music back on. Not long later, he comes out again telling me his music turned off. And again I ask, “Did you turn your music off.” (Now I’m running out of patience.) He says yes so I tell him no more music. (My husband finds this whole scenario hilarious because he sees it as our son conning me into more awake-time. It’s also funny to him because he gets to watch it play out instead of living it, but I’ll just leave that alone.) The little man finally falls asleep and the music stays off.

 

The next day at naptime, I didn’t even bother with the music, but that evening, I turned it on in hopes that I could get some things done before having to pretend to go to sleep (which so far has been the only surefire way of getting him to go to sleep because he thinks everyone else is sleeping too.) No luck; he came out telling me the music was off. Well, I wasn’t going to fall for his tricks and the CD player stayed off. The next day at naptime, however, he really wanted his music playing, so geez, okay we’ll turn it on. I hear him come barreling out of his room so I stop him in the hallway and tell him to get back in bed.

 

3 year old: Music turned off!

Me: Did you turn it off?

3 year old: No.

Me: How did it turn off?

3 year old: I don’t know. (He says this really cute too, so it’s hard to keep a straight face.)

Me: Did you turn it off?

3 year old: No, he did.

Me (alarmed): Who did?

3 year old: Music.

Me: I know your music turned off. Did you turn it off?

3 year old: No, he did.

Me: …

Me (really starting to have internal panic attacks but also feeling like I’m in the middle of a “Who’s on first?” joke): Who did?! Who’s he? 

 

Now, let me interrupt briefly to explain that I don’t have any reason to believe our house is actually haunted or anything like that. On occasion I will think I see something out of the corner of my eye, but it’s usually just a stray piece of hair that’s either not doing what it is supposed to do (by laying flat and pretty) or it got stuck on my glasses (on those days I can’t work up the motivation to put my contacts in) and is messing with my peripheral vision. My father-in-law did pass away six months before my husband and I got married, but I doubt he’s taken up residence here. And to top it off, our house is new and we’ve been the only ones living here. (I do think it would be cool to have a haunted house. I used to live in a haunted house, but that’s a different story altogether.)

 

3 year old: Music.

Me (doing deep breathing exercises to keep from showing my irritation): Did you turn your music off.

3 year old: I don’t know. Just turned off.

 

So, while still kinda freaked out, I kept thinking it was probably just him turning it off. We left it off and I tucked him back in bed.

 

I had pretty much decided we were going to be done with the music until my son again insisted that he wanted it on. We turned it on and I was in and out of his room about a million times because he really did not want to take a nap. One of the times I was trying to get him to lay down and close his eyes, the music stopped. I take the disc out thinking there is a scratch or something on it. So I examine it, wipe it off (even though I don’t see anything on it) and try it again. No good. Stops again. Hmmm….I removed the entire CD player from his room so I could look at it later.  Still, he wasn’t going to sleep and I was at my wit’s end. My husband (who was still at home during all of this because of the weather and road conditions) said to me, “If you turn his music on, it might help him fall asleep faster.” I practically bit his head off telling him it turned off while I was in there and I brought it out to look at as soon as he gives me five solid minutes to finish working on what I was doing. (Which was writing this…took way more than the five minutes I asked for. *giggle*) My husband messed around with the CD player for a minute and took it back into my son’s room.

 

Now it seems fine. I hate when he makes it look easy.

 

A second example:

 

Me: Okay buddy, time to put the game away and go night night.

3 year old: No.

Me: Yep. Here we go. (as I pick him up and carry him on my hip to where his game charger is plugged in.)

Me: Did you go pee-pee in your unders?

3 year old: No.

Me: Why do they feel warm?

3 year old: I don’t know.

Me: Okay.

 

We put the game on the charger and I carry him back to his room to get him into his “nighttime” diaper. I lay him down and look at my shirt.

It’s wet.

 

Me: You went pee-pee in your unders!

3 year old: Yeah. (In a tone of voice like ‘you hadn’t figured that out by now?’)

Me: That’s naughty! My shirt’s all wet now.

3 year old: It’s wet?

Me: Yes! With pee-pee! That’s yucky!

 

Now today, I just finished 30 minutes of playing “puppy” with my son.

 

3 year old: Fetch it mommy puppy!

I go get it and bring it back to him.

3 year old: In your mouth mommy.

Me: Mommy’s not putting that in her mouth, honey.

 

*sigh* What we don’t do for our kids.