Just Call Me Selena (I Guess)

Well, okay, maybe not. I’m still Hannah. (In real life.)

 

But, I did it. I took the plunge. I am officially in a role-playing group on Facebook. It’s scary. Intimidating. My stomach starts to hurt when I’m about to post a comment. (I’ve talked about this group before.) But I decided what the hell? It really means a lot to my sister for some reason and she came up with a character that sort of fits me. Her name is Selena and she’s a human (my sister plays a demon) that owns a mystical/tarot card/fortune telling shop in New Orleans. I’m into that in real life so that helps. But now I really have to study up on my herbs and stones and incense because I don’t want to be inaccurate. Like I said in my previous post, the other people in the group know these characters better than I do and my limited knowledge of the mystical and magical will only get me so far.

 

So, I’m taking it slow. I did a little with my sister chatting with me telling me what to write. The next time, I didn’t need as much help from her, but she was on the chat with me to give me encouragement. But today, I think I’m going to try doing it by myself. I’m making cheat sheets of how people are related to me and what herbs and stones and oils are good for what. (I’m such a nerd that way. Research, research, research.) Luckily, I have plenty of books already that will help me and I’ve found some good websites too. I’d better get big time ‘sister points’ for doing this, because it’s outside my comfort zone. Totally.

 

I don’t know if it’s my impending birthday or if it’s you guys here and my blog or what exactly, but I feel like I need to keep pushing myself away from what’s comfortable. Constantly pushing and testing my limits. I can’t forever spend my whole life being a shy timid person. What kind of life is that? If I stay boxed into myself, I’ll end up as the little old lady that never leaves her house. And I don’t want to be that. I want to travel. I want to have fun! The last eleven years haven’t had enough fun in them and I plan on making up for that when my kids move away from home. So I have to start small now and keep stretching and molding myself into someone who doesn’t shy away from challenges and new experiences.

 

 

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It’s kind of like yoga. (Which today was my third class and it’s still nerve-racking, but I am really enjoying it. And someone actually talked to me today! Shocker!) Anyway, you start small and keep stretching yourself and eventually you are able to fully reach a position. Then you move on to a new position that tests you and you keep working at it until you’ve accomplished it. I really feel like I can do this. I’ve already started doing so many little things in my life that even a year ago I never would have done. I’ve started exercising (in public!), started this blog, posted comments to complete strangers and not worried what they thought about me. I’ve even stood up to people in meetings that don’t agree with what I’m saying and I didn’t back down. I didn’t get my way in the end, but at least I voiced my opinion instead of fell into line with everyone else.

 

I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have to be afraid. I’m don’t have to be ashamed. Everyone has made mistakes in their lives. Most people are not going to judge me on my mistakes. And those that choose to look only at my mistakes and not at how I changed and learned from them? Fuck ‘em. I don’t need them. I have plenty of people who love me for who I am today, not who I was 10, 15 years ago.

 

And if someone doesn’t agree with my ideas or choices, that’s okay. I don’t have to let it bother me. I don’t have to have everyone’s approval about everything. As long as the people I care about the most stand with me, I don’t give a shit what some stuck-up, stuffy, elitist bitch thinks.

 

I really had no intention of this becoming a self-affirmation post of any kind, but these things have a way of evolving all on their own. I feel good about myself today. I feel strong. I don’t know what it is. But I’m practically brimming right now.

To Me, Summer Is…

I heard a song on the radio yesterday that was meant to lift everyone’s spirits and get us thinking about summer. And since the ground that had almost shed all of it’s snowy blanket is now covered up again, I thought maybe if I started dreaming about summer, it would come that much faster. I started making a list in my head of all the things that said summer to me. (And here’s the song, in case you were curious.)

 

Kenny Chesney–Summertime courtesy of (C) 2005 BMG Music

 

When I think of summer, I think of:

• driving with the car windows down
• cruising around or long trips in the car
• baby calves
• green pastures
• the smell of fresh cut hay
• boat rides
• Mayfest
• grilling out
• ice cold beer
• fireworks
• smores
• camping out
• fireflies
• staying out all night

 

And before I leave you, I wanted to share another song (by a group I love) that gets my summer-dreaming heart thinking we’re that much closer. I think the video’s pretty fun too.

 

Rascal Flatts - Summer Nights courtesy of (C) 2009 Lyric Street Records, Inc.

 

What makes you think of summer?

Friday Was A “Pleasurable” Night Indeed

If you embarrass easily, feel uncomfortable watching R rated sex scenes, or have small children in the room, this may not be for you. Come back tomorrow and I’ll have something much more PG-13 (at least it’s PG in my head. Things could change as I start writing.) But wait! Before you go, I want to say hello to my new followers (somehow I even snagged Simple Dude)! Go figure that the one time I get chosen for a “selected comment” by Simple Dude, it’s about bathroom business! But welcome and I hope you enjoy yourselves! And also thank you to all my followers! I’m amazed that I’ve hit 25. I’ve found some really great people out there and I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate your comments and the time you take to read my blog.

 

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So Friday I told you that I was going to a “hostess” party that a friend from high school was having at her house. What I didn’t tell you was that it was a “Pleasure Surprise Party” and was for women only! (I’d seen them in movies, but I didn’t know they happened in real life!) Now, I’ve been to plenty of hostess parties: Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, you name it. But this was my first “naughty” party. Yes, for one night, I was a virgin again. I even got a sticker.

 

 

So because this was my first time, I was a little nervous, but it’s not like I’d never seen a vibrator before, so that part didn’t bother me. I was, however, very intimidated because aside from my friend that invited me, the house was full of complete strangers! And I don’t handle strange very well. I turn into a mouse. (I even stood in the corner. Ha!) And some of these strangers were loud. And not in the funny loud way. The obnoxious loud way. (Even before the gallons of alcohol were consumed.) But, that’s okay because they all knew each other and they were just having fun. I know I would have been the same way if it would have been ten women I knew well. I did find one familiar face in the crowd about 15 minutes after I arrived. A high school friend of my sister’s (who is 12 years older than me) so that was kinda funny to hang out and inspect sex toys with someone who hadn’t seen me since I was probably six.

 

Finally the party started and with our product lists and penis erasers, we got to look at, taste, touch, and smell a wide variety of creams, powders, oils, candles, chocolate pens, lingerie, and vibrators. (And before you ask, no you don’t taste everything! Only the edibles!) I can honestly say, I didn’t know there were so many different vibrators in existence! Who knew the wide assortment of shapes, styles, colors, and functions! It was like a candy store of female pleasure. The shopping part was done in a separate room for privacy (who wants to know what crazy shit some random chick is buying. I certainly don’t need to know.) So…I took pictures.

 

 

 

 

While I won’t share what I purchased, I will say that I tried on a corset! It was too big so I’m going to have to order one, but I was thrilled to get one step closer to my very own! (Kat, you would have been so proud!) And I’ve decided that I’m going to host a party of my own so that I can help finance the corset, cause damn they’re expensive! But the Pleasure Parties, hands down, beats any makeup, kitchen gadget, or jewelry party you could ever hope to have. I don’t think I stopped laughing the whole time I was there.

This Girl Just Wants To Have Fun

I started working on a different post, but I just couldn’t get through it. I’m all sorts of agitated right now and that frame of mind doesn’t work well for a more serious post.

 

What’s bothering me, you may be wondering. Or maybe not. I don’t know how much you care, but I’ll tell you anyway! Assuming, of course, that you are still reading by the end.

 

Aside from the everyday nonsense of keeping everyone happy (and the kids away from the dog toys) and laundry and dishes, I have extra chores to do to get things ready for “feeding night.”  (Yes, I’m still working on my snake page, but having a hell of a time getting my pictures to go where I want them to. I got so frustrated yesterday, I deleted the whole thing and will start over. Hopefully today.) Anyway, because we feed snakes tonight, there is preparation that has to be done and since I am home during the day and my husband is not, I’m the lucky one who gets to do it.

 

Then, I’m going out tonight. YAY! One of my best friends from high school is having a “hostess” party (where you go and buy stuff) and I’m super excited to get out of the house without kids or husband. Can you say freedom? I’ve haven’t gone out drinking with friends since last March and even then I was home by ten. (That sounds even worse when it’s down in black and white. You’d think I was 70 with statements like that.) It’s going to be a blast and I won’t go into details now, but I will next week. The problem is what to wear. (Sorry guys. Feel free to tune out now.) I want something fun and sorta sexy without freezing my ass off, but do you think I can find anything in my closet that matches that description? Hell no. I tried on probably half a dozen tops (which I know isn’t very many, but my complete wardrobe is pretty small.) Either they weren’t sexy or they no longer fit right! (I blame my kids for ruining my body. Well, I guess that’s not fair. They didn’t ask to be born. I guess I’ll have to blame my cheap ass for not buying new clothes.) And curse my small feet because I don’t have cute black shoes, limiting my choices even more. So after throwing a mini temper tantrum, I settled on a v-neck hoodie with a knit tee underneath. Not real sexy, but functional. I guess that’s all I can ask for anymore.

 

 

So, I don’t know. Is it acceptable? At least I’m not going to be bar hopping or anything like that because this outfit probably wouldn’t work then, but for sitting at a friend’s house, sipping cocktails (of some sort) and perusing “items,” it’s the best I could come up with. (And thanks Kat, for showing me the flattering way to pose for pictures. I took some straight on and nearly threw up.)

 

I suppose I should also mention that tomorrow marks the beginning of the NASCAR season. Are you excited yet? Yeah, me neither. I’m definitely going to watch, but part of me wants to boycott just to stick it to Brian France. It’s such a joke anymore (unless you’re a Jimmie Johnson fan) that the fun and excitement is completely gone for me. They have made some changes to the cars this year so we’ll see how that plays out. But really, until the last ten races stop being at Jimmie Johnson’s favorite tracks, can we ever expect a different outcome?  Last year I didn’t wear my “lucky” Jeff Gordon shirt because I was afraid it had turned unlucky. Maybe I’ll have to throw it on again this year and see if it helps. (Yes, I know I don’t in any way, shape, or form, affect a sporting event by what I wear, but I’m superstitious like that.)

 

I know this is kinda short, but my nerves are fried (trying clothes on is so stressful for me) and my dog keeps barking (frying my nerves even more) so before I throw my keyboard at him, I’ll  stop my rambling and just wish everyone a safe and fun weekend.

“There Are Seven?”

The other day, I had a Friends episode flashback that had me laughing all by myself. And of course, no one else could figure out why. I wasn’t about to try explaining what was going on in my head and causing all the commotion. But…I will here because I can include a video for those of you unfamiliar with the episode.

 

Who remembers the episode where Monica teaches Chandler about the seven erogenous zones of a woman’s body? Good. But here it is for those that need it or just want to relive it all over again. (I think I watched it about half a dozen times and still couldn’t stop laughing.)

 

Friends - Women's 7 erogenous zones by Monica courtesy of skdilawar

 

 

So, just for fun. What do we think are the seven zones? Even I’m at a loss to name them all. I think seven is pretty obvious. One must be mouth. I’m thinking two is the neck. Three is breasts? Four is ears? But five and six? I think I must be missing something. Help me out!

If I Were A Celebrity, He Would So Be My Boyfriend

I decided since some of my last posts were kinda bitchy and whiny, I would do something more upbeat. I have a thing about celebrities. I don’t know why, but I’m fascinated by them. Before I got married, I used to fantasize about some of them. Well, apparently, according to the last dream I remember, I still do. Ha-ha. Anyway, I was wandering around online and I found some picture of my “celebrity crushes.”

And that got me thinking.

I watched the season of Celebrity Apprentice when Bret Michaels was on. There was an episode where they were working in a gym teaching fitness classes and a girl that was in Bret Michaels class kinda freaked out and said to him, “Oh my God! You’re Bret Michaels! You’re on my list of 5 celebrities. My husband isn’t going to believe this!” And of course Bret Michaels responded something like, “Oh! Well, let’s go find a bathroom!” My question is, do people really make deals with their spouses that in the off-chance they meet a celebrity, they get to have free sex? I don’t have a list like that with my husband and I certainly wouldn’t agree to his having a list. (I’m a jealous woman that doesn’t like to share.) But do other people?

And for fun, I started thinking about who I would want on my list. You know. In case I ever meet them someday. Ha-ha. Like that would happen.

#1 : Robert Buckley (as I know him from Lipstick Jungle)

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Yummy! I loved him from the moment he first stepped foot on my TV. (He even reminds me of a guy I used to date. Seriously. That may explain my uncontrollable heart pounding.)

#2 : Timothy Olyphant (especially the “Justified” and “Catch and Release” Timothy)

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Seems sweet, but with a rough edge to him. The best scene is when him and Jennifer Garner are in bed together and she’s asking all kinds of questions so that she’ll feel like she knows him better. She asks what his favorite color is and he gives her a look that fills my stomach with butterflies and says (in a low, deep, sexy voice), “Gray.” (Because Garner’s character’s name is Gray.)

#3 : Jude Law

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Just a hottie. What else can I say? My favorite scene in “The Holiday” is when he’s hoping to see Cameron Diaz’ character at a restaurant and then suddenly he sees her and he smiles this great big smile. Makes my heart flutter every time!

#4 : Dierks Bentley

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A cutie who can sing. Can’t get much sexier than a man crooning sweet nothings to you. (I do prefer short-haired Dierks, but it’s still cute when he’s got a little length. Just not too much.)

#5 : Huh. I can’t come up with a #5 right now, so I guess I’ll leave an open slot for someone to fill!

So, do you have a list? What about your significant other? Do you know about each other’s lists? If you don’t have a list, who would you put on it?