Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Why (I Think) We’re So Interested In Your Sex Life

The lovely Randy Girl over at Random Girl Blogs had a post Friday titled, “'Soft-Core Friday' If You Had a Sex Life, Would You Worry About Mine?” (She has some really incredible writing, so if you aren’t a follower of hers already, you really should be.) When I saw the title, I immediately started thinking about why people are so interested in other people’s sex lives. Little did I know that it was actually lyrics from a song. But my brain was already running away with the idea of why we care about the sexual activities of other people.


image credit


Even though I have a sex life of my own, I’m curious about how, where, with whom, and how often other people are having sex. And if I had to guess, I would say a high percentage of people are the same. (Although I must add the caveat that when I asked my husband about this subject, he said he doesn’t wonder about other people’s sex lives. So maybe women are more interested in other people’s sex lives than men. Maybe men are only interested in their own. I don’t know. This is all conjecture on my part.)


But anyway, back to the subject at hand. Why am I interested? Is it because I’m a big horn ball? Possibly so. I’ll be the first to admit my libido is most likely higher than the average. That’s probably why I devour romance novels like I do.


Am I a voyeur or a gossip? No on both parts. I don’t want to watch you and I don’t talk about your stories to other people. (Unless you count here on my blog, but I don’t use names and you wouldn’t know the people I refer to anyway! That doesn’t make me a gossip, does it?!) Although, maybe I do have a small gossip living inside me. I really do wonder about who’s sleeping with whom. Especially married people that just don’t seem compatible. I’ve talked about this before, here, and I know that it’s wrong, but I just can’t seem to help myself.


What I really think is the reason is that I want to see if my sex life is normal compared to others. You know, normal in the sense of regularity. Yes, I know that normal is whatever works for you and your significant other, but I like to find some benchmarks so to speak. I talked to someone who said she and her husband have sex three to five times a week. I was amazed at that! Then there are other couples who rarely sleep in the same bed. So based on those two extremes, I figure my sex life is probably pretty average.


But it’s more than needing to know that my sex life is normal. It’s also because I am constantly looking for ways to make mine better. Whether that means different ways for foreplay, new positions, or exciting locations (not that it’s feasible for me and Hubby to have sex anywhere other than our bedroom, but it’s the idea I guess), I’m constantly storing the information away for future reference. I mean, who doesn’t want to spice up their love life? No one wants their sex life to get boring or stale. So I think of it as researching. What can I do, or can we do together, to make things more exciting?


So I’m going to listen a little more carefully when someone is talking about sex. You never know when a great idea will fall into your lap!


  1. I am not having any sex so there you go.

  2. lol!! I think women are just naturally more curious in a gossipy (even if we don't gossip) kind of way. Magazines post statistics about how often the average couple has sex, but they always seem so off to me. Who knows?!

  3. I'm most interested in my sex life, closely followed by those of others. Maybe the Mr. just doesn't want to admit it, or maybe I'm just weird.

  4. Since I am currently without one of my own I am pretty interested in the sex lives of others or writing about what I would like my sex life to be like. haha. I think it's pretty normal...you are reading about it for inspiration and men are watching porn-not much different!

  5. Bahahaha, sorry couldn't help the laughter. I just have this image of you listening through a closed door, clutching the glass to your ear while frantically making notes in a little spiral-bound notebook. But what you say is true, we all want to know what everyone else is doing because we want to know if we're doing the same thing, or if we're weird. Even so, the image you brought to mind made me laugh. :)

  6. I think that it's normal to be interested in our people's sex lives, even if just out of curiosity. I do agree with you about getting new ideas from other people, too, my darling rockstar.

  7. Is three to five times a week extremely high? Because you posted it to contrast with someone who rarely sleeps in the same bed as her husband and then talk about extremes. Because I thought three to five times a week was pretty average.

    I don't ask about other people's sex lives. I don't normally think about it unless I hear someone having sex. And then I wonder, "Hmm...listen to her. I wonder what position that is? It sounds fun..." However, if someone VOLUNTEERS information about their sex life (like my coworker who is getting married this summer: she and her fiance just kicked out their third party girlfriend for sleeping around unprotected outside of their relationship) I have absolutely no problem listening and then discussing differences and similarities. Not with men, though. I only talk to women about these things.

  8. Thanks for the Random Girl shout out lovely Hannah! I think I share and like to read about others for the same reason, amusement. I think that there are few things in life that bring more interesting or humorous moments than all things sex related. Maybe I am doing something wrong...but I get a lot of amusement out of others adventures and misadventures. I do think there is a certain amount of validation or "am I normal" motivation behind comparing and contrasting as well. Fun post!

  9. My neighbors across the street get it on with the shades closed but the windows open, regaling the neighborhood with their sex yowlings. It's both fascinating and terrible, because I unfortunately know what they look like. I suppose this isn't what you meant by hearing about other people's sex lives.

  10. one guy's feather is another's whole chicken. I am guessing like politics, religion or any other thing, most of us fall in the middle between Missionary Mary and Animal House Orgy.

    I am always totally surprised when I learn that someone who I find kind of dull has a thing for high heels in bed. Love that.


  11. As a happy new follower, and fellow married gal, i have to say that I'm also very intrigued with others sex habits for a lot of the same reasons. I think that, as a married lady, i love hearing Random Girls variety and new experiences, but at the same time am happy to relate to another married chick on this here blog world.

    Yes, I've met the gals of my dreams! Great posts to both RandomGirl and Hannah from a new loyal, relatable follower. :)

  12. OT, I'm sorry. We need to find you a nice "friends with benefits" yes? :)

    Megan, I've never seen any of those polls (I'd don't read magazines much), but it would be interesting to see what they say.

    George, I don't think you're weird at all. Knowing him like I do, he probably doesn't spend as much time as I do thinking about it or discussing it, but I'm sure every now and then it crosses his mind.

    Jewels, it's always good to imagine how you want it to be. Isn't that what we're always told, know how to satisfy yourself so you can tell your man how to satisfy you?

    Ms Jenna, it's so funny you had that image in your head because I originally tried looking for a picture that was taken from outside a bedroom with a cracked-open door with the doorway sort of framing the bed with a couple on it. I couldn't find one though. :( But, just to clarify, I don't snoop, just listen when someone wants to share. lol

    Kat, I'm glad I'm pretty normal in this respect. And, hey, where else are we supposed to come up with new material, right? :)

    Chanel, aw crap. Yes, I thought 3-5 times a week was really high. I guess maybe I'm leaning more to the below average than originally thought. Lol. I don't ask about people's sex lives, but if it comes up in conversation, I don't shy away from it. And like you, I'm just talking with other women. There could have been the occasional conversation that a man was part of, but that's pretty rare. Now, are you saying the friend and her fiance kicked out their girlfriend as in their 3-way partner?! *eyes open wide* Now that is something I thought only really happened in movies. I guess I really am living a sheltered life.

    Randy Girl, I'm so glad you enjoyed the post. It's a tough act to follow when I'm talking about something that was sparked from your blog! :)

    A Beer for the Shower, lol! No that wasn't exactly what I meant, but that does paint an interesting picture! And it made me start worrying about my bedroom windows. No shades, no curtains, lights on. But, unless our next door neighbors start wandering around our backyard at night, the houses that we can see from our window are pretty far away and shouldn't be able to see anything. Unless they got the binoculars out. And I'm hoping they're not interested enough to do that! :) And thanks so much for following my blog and commenting! I hope you like it here and I can keep you entertained.

    Onion, so true. I love your descriptions. "Missionary Mary" and "Animal House Orgy." Too funny! And I haven't heard of anyone liking anything kinky, but that would be sweet! Especially if it were someone like you said! I'd look at them in a whole new light!

    FisherFacts, hello and welcome! Thank you so much for following and commenting. I'm so glad you enjoyed what you've seen and hope that I can keep living up to it. (Yikes! Pressure! lol Just kidding!) I agree that it's fun to hear stories from lots of perspectives. It gives you a more complete view of different situations.


Thanks for stopping by and reading! Sit back, grab a drink and visit for while. I love the company.